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The rude jokes thread
#11
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 2, 2008 at 1:13 pm)Brick-top Wrote: How do you stop your girlfriend from giving you a blowjob?

Marry her

What?....well....hmm....I....guess you could....hmm...well...delay the...hmm....event....and suggest something other than that.

oh boy!
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence - Carl Sagan

Mankind's intelligence walks hand in hand with it's stupidity.

Being an atheist says nothing about your overall intelligence, it just means you don't believe in god. Atheists can be as bright as any scientist and as stupid as any creationist.

You never really know just how stupid someone is, until you've argued with them.
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#12
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 2, 2008 at 1:16 pm)Ace Wrote:
(September 2, 2008 at 1:13 pm)Brick-top Wrote: How do you stop your girlfriend from giving you a blowjob?

Marry her

What?....well....hmm....I....guess you could....hmm...well...delay the...hmm....event....and suggest something other than that.

oh boy!


Two old men are sitting in a nursing home. "How do you feel Frank?"
"Terrible, how do you feel Ted?"
"Like a baby"
"Why do you feel like a baby?"
"I've got no hair, no teeth and I've just shit myself"
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#13
RE: The rude jokes thread
A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving.

The woman decided to go to the gynaecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle."

The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel."
'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely? Jer 8:8
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
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#14
RE: The rude jokes thread
I have a very racist joke but I don't know if I should say it.
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#15
RE: The rude jokes thread
Just turn it into a lawyer joke. That's where most lawyer jokes come from.
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#16
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 3, 2008 at 10:45 pm)infidel666 Wrote: Just turn it into a lawyer joke. That's where most lawyer jokes come from.

I can't.

Hell with it I'm not saying it.
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#17
RE: The rude jokes thread
Say it. Racism died when black rappers started using the word "nigger". If they can use it so can I.
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#18
RE: The rude jokes thread
A business man spending the night alone in an unfamiliar northern town (UK) decided to look for some female company. After asking the advice of the hotel concierge (doorman) he decided to visit a local 'establishment' offering 'high quality at an affordable price'.

After speaking with the brothel manager the business man decided to avail himself of the services provided by 'Sexy Sarah', an experienced lady who was deaf. The manager did offer reassurances that Sarah would be able to communicate effectively should the need arise.

The business man went upstairs, introduced himself, removed his clothes and .......

All seemed to be going well and the business man was enjoying himself until Sexy Sarah hit him on the head with a small tin of biscuits. Despite being rather taken aback...and slightly stunned he decided this was part of the 'service' and continued with what he was doing.

A few minutes later the lovely Sarah again hit the business man on the head, this time with a medium sized tin of chocolates. Again he continued with what he was doing.

A few minutes later the lovely Sarah again hit the business man on the head, this time with a large frozen duck from Tesco. The blow was so powerful it knocked him onto the floor. At this point he decided enough was enough and after making himself presentable went downstairs to complain. The manager listened politely and informed the business man Sarah was merely trying to communicate with him. The business man asked what the f**k she was trying to say, to which the manager replied - 'tin tin duck' (It isn't in duck), 'duck' is a term of general affection in some parts of the UK.
"May God bless her, and all who sail in her" - Florence Ismay, at the launching of the Titanic
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#19
RE: The rude jokes thread
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the litter boxes, gave the cats their food, and refilled their water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear arses downstairs and grace 'Mummy Bear' with your grumpy presence, listen CAREFULLY, because I'm going to say this once: I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!
'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely? Jer 8:8
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
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#20
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 4, 2008 at 12:31 am)Tiberius Wrote: Say it. Racism died when black rappers started using the word "nigger". If they can use it so can I.

Why do pill bottles have those cotton buds in them?

To remind the niggers they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
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