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Current time: May 19, 2022, 8:35 pm

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The rude jokes thread
#31
RE: The rude jokes thread
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America, explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you a fucking maniac?"

She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once." and from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."
Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed down the long corridors. Because she and her fellow residents are all a sandwich short of a picnic, they all tolerate each other and some of the male patients actually join in.

One day, Ethel was speeding along one corridor when a door opened and Mad Mike stepped out of his room with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he said in a firm voice: "Have you got a license to drive that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag, pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird William popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. William nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am".

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Bonkers Brian stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable erection in his hand. "Oh, no!" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyser again!"
'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely? Jer 8:8
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
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#32
RE: The rude jokes thread
Went to the cemetery the other day and saw 4 men carrying a coffin. Four hours later I saw the same four men, carrying the same coffin. Thought to myself, they've lost the fuckin' plot!
'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely? Jer 8:8
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
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#33
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 2, 2008 at 1:13 pm)Brick-top Wrote: How do you stop your girlfriend from giving you a blowjob?

Marry her

How do you stop Paris Hilton from TRYING to give you a blowjob?

Chop your dick off.
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#34
RE: The rude jokes thread
A priest goes into a hotel and says 'I hope the porn channel is disabled.'

'No' says the receptionist, looking at him in disgust, 'it's the regular kind you sick bastard'.
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#35
RE: The rude jokes thread
(October 8, 2008 at 9:24 am)infidel666 Wrote: A priest goes into a hotel and says 'I hope the porn channel is disabled.'

'No' says the receptionist, looking at him in disgust, 'it's the regular kind you sick bastard'.

LOL
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