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The rude jokes thread
#21
RE: The rude jokes thread
Two nuns in a darkened room.

1st nun - Where's the candle?

2nd nun - Yes it does.
The vicar was returning to church past the golf course after going for a walk. As he strolled by he noticed one of his 'flock' playing golf. The gentleman in question, Fred, was having a lot of difficulty sinking a putt. As the vicar got nearer he could hear Fred shout - 'Jesus Fucking Christ missed again'.

Rather put out by this display of blasphemy the vicar approached Fred and advised him watch what he was saying. Unfortunately the vicar's intervention caused the hapless Fred to miss his shot again which resulted in more cursing.

Again the vicar remonstrated with Fred which resulted in another missed shot and yet more cursing. At this point the vicar decided to obtain assistance and fell to his knees asking for Fred to be punished. Seconds later a bolt of celestial fire blasted down from the sky and vapourised the vicar. This was quickly followed by the booming voice of a supreme deity - 'JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MISSED AGAIN'.
"May God bless her, and all who sail in her" - Florence Ismay, at the launching of the Titanic
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#22
RE: The rude jokes thread
After a long wait, Gary Glitter has re-entered the country, bringing his new wife Madeline Mcann.
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#23
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 4, 2008 at 9:46 am)Brick-top Wrote:
(September 4, 2008 at 12:31 am)Tiberius Wrote: Say it. Racism died when black rappers started using the word "nigger". If they can use it so can I.

Why do pill bottles have those cotton buds in them?

To remind the niggers they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
See, great joke Big Grin
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#24
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 4, 2008 at 7:49 pm)Tiberius Wrote:
(September 4, 2008 at 9:46 am)Brick-top Wrote:
(September 4, 2008 at 12:31 am)Tiberius Wrote: Say it. Racism died when black rappers started using the word "nigger". If they can use it so can I.

Why do pill bottles have those cotton buds in them?

To remind the niggers they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
See, great joke Big Grin

I'm sorry, but that was cotton-pickin' awful.
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#25
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm)infidel666 Wrote: I'm sorry, but that was cotton-pickin' awful.

Now you're just being racist.
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#26
RE: The rude jokes thread
Its a little racist but i have told it to a few black ppl and they didnt get offended but if anyone does sorry!!

So why do black people hate country Music ?

Because whenever they say ho down they think somebody shot there sister.
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#27
RE: The rude jokes thread
"What does a man with a 2 foot cock have for breakfast? Well, this morning I had a boiled egg" - Rik Mayall.
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#28
RE: The rude jokes thread
A married couple goes to a marriage counsellor to work out some problems. The counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."
'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely? Jer 8:8
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
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#29
RE: The rude jokes thread
(September 23, 2008 at 10:59 pm)StewartP Wrote: A married couple goes to a marriage counsellor to work out some problems. The counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."
Ha ha lol I can feel the husband's frustrated distress.
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#30
RE: The rude jokes thread
Dorothy and Edna, two senior widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine! Uniformed chauffeur and all! Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvellous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!"

"So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!""

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna says "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
'How can you say, "We are wise, for we have the law of the LORD," when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely? Jer 8:8
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
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