Another way of looking at depression

[Little lunch]

Which song is that?

Youuuuu light up my liiiiife

That song has a great chord progression. :-)

[LadyForCamus]

Look, I don't care if you disagree. I'm allowed to have my opinion and post about it.

I think depression has a lot to do with one's own choices. If you disagree, that's great, but if you're going to tell me I don't get it because I don't have it then I'll tell you you're just a drama queen who is seeking sympathy by pretending to suffer from depression.

That's the entire thing about clinical depression, EP.  It has nothing to do with choice or rational thought.  Just like you can't talk yourself out of experiencing a delusion or a hallucination, you can't talk yourself out of depression.  The emotions just blossom like horrible fireworks; uninvited and completely uncontrollable.  It hijacks your brain and eats away at your personality.  It is a mental illness.  It's not the same thing as just "having a bad attitude" or, "being a negative nancy."  

[LadyForCamus]

(This is an idea a friend of mine came up with. I'm not sure if they'd like me to identify them or not, but I think they'd be ok with me sharing this.)

As most of you have probably gathered by now, I'm very seriously depressed. I try not to go on about it all the time; partly so as not to bore and burden everyone, and partly because I'm trying to take my mind off it. But sometimes I have to have a good hard think about it, because it has such a big impact on my life.

Depression is almost always viewed in a negative light, and understandably so. This is another way of viewing it, which makes it come off more like a hero than a villain.

When our mind and our body are all in harmony and agreeing amongst themselves, we don't tend to feel conflict. We are making decisions we are confident in. But sometimes part of us pushes back against us, as if to tell us there is not total agreement. Depression could maybe be viewed this way. I'm guessing that when someone has chosen to die, wants to die and is confident with that decision, they wouldn't feel depression. They'd feel clarity; peace maybe. I've longed to let myself feel that peace.

A depressed person is fighting to keep alive. Part of them wants to live, for whatever reason. In my case, the reasons mostly consist of the effects on those I would leave behind. This has somehow provided me enough motivation not to kill myself over the last 10 years. Part of me wants to keep living, even if it's not actually for my own benefit.

So maybe depression can be viewed as the cognitive dissonance between the part of us that wants to give up, and the part that wants to keep fighting. Keep living. In this way, it's a good thing. It reminds us that we still have some fight left in us.

I'm so sorry you continue to suffer through this, Rob. It makes me so sad. [emoji45]. You are such a bright, and charming individual. It's not fair. If you ever want to talk via PM, I'm always here. I remember the endless nightmare of the throes of depression. It feels like there is no way out. Sad to see so many of us have dealt, and are still dealing with this.

[LadyForCamus]

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
~ Dorothy Parker

Anymore I just feel trapped by life. I've made several suicide attempts. All failures. I no longer have the will to try and take my own life. Every method has such strong drawbacks that I just can't approach any of them. I am failing more and more as each day goes by. I no longer know what to do.

Jor, as the others have said, please feel free to PM me for any reason EVER. Breaks my heart to read this. [emoji45]

[robvalue]

Thank you very much LFC, I really appreciate the kind words and the offer of support

It's lovely to know you are there for me

[Losty]

Look, I don't care if you disagree. I'm allowed to have my opinion and post about it.

I think depression has a lot to do with one's own choices. If you disagree, that's great, but if you're going to tell me I don't get it because I don't have it then I'll tell you you're just a drama queen who is seeking sympathy by pretending to suffer from depression.

That's the entire thing about clinical depression, EP.  It has nothing to do with choice or rational thought.  Just like you can't talk yourself out of experiencing a delusion or a hallucination, you can't talk yourself out of depression.  The emotions blossom like horrible fireworks; uninvited and completely uncontrollable.  It hijacks your brain and eats away at your personality.  It is a mental illness.  It's not the same thing as just "having a bad attitude" or, "being a negative nancy."  

I've become fairly good at talking myself out of hallucinations or delusions or whatever is actually is that happens to me. I did several months of group therapy for learning just this technique. Not the we all sit around and share our problems group therapy. Actually...I'm not even really sure why it was in a group. We all met every Tuesday and we practiced a few other techniques for different PTSD triggers as well but mostly we focused on this...day dreaming as I like to call it. I suppose if you live someplace really dangerous it wouldn't be a good option for you, but you basically live on the assumption that anything really terrifying isn't real. So you stay calm, assess your situation, and look for proof. At that time the snow was a huge help for me (so huge that I slept with my bedroom window cracked open the whole winter) I lived with my ex husband in South Georgia so if there was snow that meant my ex husband wasn't really there. I've come a long way since the days when "there's snow outside my window" was a saving grace.

[Losty]

Sorry...possible over share haha

Also, I still totally agree with the point you were making LFC

You can't talk yourself out of depression and you can't just decide to be ok.

[Edwardo Piet]

It's good to let it out. That's what this thread is for

[Cyberman]

If physical illnesses were treated the same as depression:



Here's a few articles from a resource which I've recently found very helpful, both in understanding my condition and getting a handle on it:

5 Things I Wish People Who Don't Have Depression Understood

9 Things Depression Is (and 4 Things It Is Not)

The 7 Days in a ‘Weak Week' for Someone With Depression

A Description of Depression for People Who Think I Can Just 'Get Over It'

I hope others find them as helpful.

As to the question of whether anyone has told me to just suck it up; like others have said, yes plenty of times. One of them was my now late uncle, someone to whom I'd always been very close. I was put in the position of having to block him on social media and inadvertently causing a family argument because of the comments he was making.

[brewer]

Anyone have any thoughts on exogenous vs endogenous depression?