Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist

[LivingNumbers6.626]

You've done an amazing and difficult thing. You've escaped utter indoctrination. Many people can't, and it sounds like your dad is among those. For now, it sounds like you're going to have to live as though he is dead to you. There is no common ground at this point.

I don't know where you live, but it sounds like you need a network of support, and fast. I know I found a fantastic group of atheist friends through a Meet Up group. Ours is affiliated with Center for Inquiry - Skeptics. You might do a search for something similar through Meet Up and learn if there is a group near you. I know the biggest thing the formerly-religious folks who belong to my group miss is a sense of community that a church provides. The difference is, the Skeptic group comes with no strings attached. As you pointed out, they like you just because you're you. They may also be able to help you network for a new job and/or housing.

I'm sorry your dad is not going to be there for you at a time of your great need, but he obviously can't. His help comes with some pretty big strings attached. I don't think you can go back.

Best to you, and please keep us posted going forward.

You see, this is the kind of bullsh1t advice I'd been talking about.

You've taken one heated email conversation between father and son and then taken it upon yourself to advise he cuts of all ties with his father, because his father doesn't share the same beliefs as you?

Utterly incredible........if this advice was taken the world over, there would be literally millions of us with no family.

Listen, we're past that now. Let it go.

Instead of assuming that this was our only conversation over the past six months and that I haven't posted anything else on here regarding family issues lately...I suggest you inquire. I'd be more than happy to fill you in. Just go read up on the ex-mormon forums and you can get a good idea of the ridiculous stuff ex-mormons will have to go through. No reason to read my posts exactly, they're all pretty much the same when it comes to family. haha.

[Marsellus Wallace]

@OP

Try to do your best to find a job and live your life, I really hope the best for you

GL.

[Hoopington]

You see, this is the kind of bullsh1t advice I'd been talking about.

You've taken one heated email conversation between father and son and then taken it upon yourself to advise he cuts of all ties with his father, because his father doesn't share the same beliefs as you?

Utterly incredible........if this advice was taken the world over, there would be literally millions of us with no family.

Listen, we're past that now. Let it go.

Instead of assuming that this was our only conversation over the past six months and that I haven't posted anything else on here regarding family issues lately...I suggest you inquire. I'd be more than happy to fill you in. Just go read up on the ex-mormon forums and you can get a good idea of the ridiculous stuff ex-mormons will have to go through. No reason to read my posts exactly, they're all pretty much the same when it comes to family. haha.

OK mate, we'll leave it at that...I was assuming, shouldn't do such things.

[Mystical]

I find it ironic that the believers who commented in this thread have no fucking clue what they're talking about, and yet have the nuts to admonish the OP. That's to be expected, though.

What I most despise, is how they bold face lie though. I went through this entire thread again and the overwhelming consensus of responses to the OP from atheists here was to A. Not call names, B. Make peace, C. Take care of himself and his wife, D. Not accept being emotionally blackmailed by the father.

I find it funny how in the theists brains they translate that to such extremes as us telling him to: CUT ALL TIES!!!!!

You see, this is the kind of bullsh1t advice I'd been talking about.

You've taken one heated email conversation between father and son and then taken it upon yourself to advise he cuts of all ties with his father, because his father doesn't share the same beliefs as you?

Utterly incredible........if this advice was taken the world over, there would be literally millions of us with no family.

Which is, to say the least, BULLSHIT. That is not what was said, at all. Here I'll show you:

You've done an amazing and difficult thing. You've escaped utter indoctrination. Many people can't, and it sounds like your dad is among those. For now, it sounds like you're going to have to live as though he is dead to you. There is no common ground at this point.

I don't know where you live, but it sounds like you need a network of support, and fast. I know I found a fantastic group of atheist friends through a Meet Up group. Ours is affiliated with Center for Inquiry - Skeptics. You might do a search for something similar through Meet Up and learn if there is a group near you. I know the biggest thing the formerly-religious folks who belong to my group miss is a sense of community that a church provides. The difference is, the Skeptic group comes with no strings attached. As you pointed out, they like you just because you're you. They may also be able to help you network for a new job and/or housing.

I'm sorry your dad is not going to be there for you at a time of your great need, but he obviously can't. His help comes with some pretty big strings attached. I don't think you can go back.

Best to you, and please keep us posted going forward.

---

OP, Mormonism is a bitch. If it were me I'd let some time pass, and give myself some down time to get your situation figured out before I approached the family issue again, but that's just what I'd do.

Yeah...fuck you too. You call your dad a coward and call his God a Skydaddy and you think that's going to build a relationship with him? You're a dumbass. Your father disowned you because you were being a dick to him.....not because you are an atheist.

Next time just tell him your happier without religion and leave it at that(if that's the case). Thank him for inviting you back but respectfully decline. Maybe....let him know you love him.

Did you think to ask me if I had already done that? Countless times? Many many times?! Go away. Just go away. Like every theist, you'll assume the answer before you've asked the appropriate questions. Congratulations on contributing to the world's stupidity.

I hope things work out between you and your dad. They won't if you continue to call him names and ridicule his beliefs.

I have ridiculed my dad's beliefs plenty of times, he never even remotely gone to the extreme The OP's did. I do live in a far away place, so yeah..

This idiot that I'm quoting is right and doesn't even knows how. He is your dad, be the better man and reach your hand out to him, no good in harboring hatreds.

So was he blaming the no job thing on the losing the Jesus thing?

Seems to me as if he sees it as a form of leverage. Anything he can do in the service of dragging someone back to the lord is worthwhile no matter how much pain or suffering it causes for all involved, because in some distant future they'll all be happy together in heaven (or wherever it is that mormons expect to end up).

The willingness to damage or destroy relationships today out of a belief that you can fix it all up after you are dead is just another way that religion contributes to human misery.

I get it. I'm from a Mormon background as well, and my parents and friends certainly tried to tell me that my falling away was because I wasn't faithful enough. They never really bothered to find out if I had really tried, but assumed I was simply being sinful. It's emotional and psychological abuse, and your reaction to your father's words are completely justified. Instead of reacting harshly to your anger, he should've tried to understand why you are so upset in the first place; of course, this did not happen.

Heywood is wrong; your father's beliefs deserve no respect. Perhaps you shouldn't have called him a coward or goaded him, but the beliefs being pure bullshit always need to be called out.

Sorry to hear this, buddy. I'm getting ready to go through the same thing.
We should start a band "the disowned ones".

Seems your father, while likely somewhat insulted by your statements, can't be bothered answering the points you made (a common trait among the religious, as we've seen here) and just decided to get all cry-baby with his reponses.

My suggestion is give it some time and then try again from a different angle. Don't insult his beliefs or be condescending. Explain your reasons for not being religious anymore.

Unfortunately, as already stated, Mormonism is a really bad cult to get away from, as are the JoHos, and their policy of disfellowship - or whatever the hell it's called - is ingrained deeply into the cult.

elconquistador, I hope that you can eventually sort things out with your father. He's probably not going to change and accept your views but you should not cut off all ties. Just give it time. Your main problem now is getting a new job and a new place sorted. Does your wife feel the same way as you? If so that's the best thing, you can support each other.

It doesn't matter if Mormonism deserves to be ridiculed. Ridiculing your dad's beliefs and calling him names isn't an effective tactic at building a relationship with him.

The father is creating an unnecessary problem and instead of being an actual father, he's just being a petty shit. There is no evidence that the father cares about a relationship that's not entirely on his terms.

And that being the case, all Dad deserves is a middle finger.

Its obvious that the son wants to maintain a relationship with his father. However the son is wrong in thinking its all the fathers fault. The father was perfectly willing to talk to the son up until the son called the father a coward and ridiculed his beliefs. Now the son is shocked the father won't engage with him? The son needs to realize that the terms of the relationship are decided by both of them. His father simply isn't going to tolerate the abuse.

The father only appears to want to have a relationship with a son who lacks a will of his own, does what he is told, and doesn't voice any contrary opinions in public. OP mentioned several times that this is a longstanding pattern. Yeah, OP obviously does want to have a relationship with his father. He's never going to get it because the father doesn't want it unless it's entirely on his terms. And of course you would think that is entirely acceptable.

Edit: Bolded the part where I called it.

I'm really sorry to say, regardless of belief, you were bang out of line in my opinion.

That's your Dad mate, he didn't insult your beliefs, you insulted his. He seems more concerned with the fact that you're unemployed.

I haven't agreed with much I've read that Heywood has come out with, but on this score he's right, you need to learn some tact.

"We would love to have had you at the temple with us. Im sorry that you feel that you have to publicly shame your family on Facebook. We still love you and you can always return. His arms are outstretched still. The last thing you mentioned was guilt.... If there is so much guilt, it's because you know you are doing something you should not... And you need to understand the atonement. It covers everything. "

When I read his father's opening comments I can't but read "guilt trip".

Is guilt tripping one's son because of his beliefs really the best way to open your arms to a relationship? Fault appears to be on both sides but I don't think we should absolve the father of some major issues here.

"We would love to have had you at the temple with us. Im sorry that you feel that you have to publicly shame your family on Facebook. We still love you and you can always return. His arms are outstretched still. The last thing you mentioned was guilt.... If there is so much guilt, it's because you know you are doing something you should not... And you need to understand the atonement. It covers everything. "

Sounds like a good guilt tripping to me.

Right, so we're telling a young guy who's being "guilt tripped" by his religious parents, to what......not have a relationship with them?

Guilt tripped by a believer, whatever next.

There are a couple issues I see people dancing around in their defense of the father:

1. The assumption that he deserves respect instead of earning it.

2. The fact that he chose God above his own kid. For me, this makes 1. all but impossible.

There are a couple issues I see people dancing around in their defense of the father:

1. The assumption that he deserves respect instead of earning it.

2. The fact that he chose God above his own kid. For me, this makes 1. all but impossible.

The assumptions being made on this thread in general are fucking astounding.

My advice to the theists who have responded here is that you people really need to read up on what Mormon cults actually do. Then look at the similarities in comparison to your own religion.

You've done an amazing and difficult thing. You've escaped utter indoctrination. Many people can't, and it sounds like your dad is among those. For now, it sounds like you're going to have to live as though he is dead to you. There is no common ground at this point.

I don't know where you live, but it sounds like you need a network of support, and fast. I know I found a fantastic group of atheist friends through a Meet Up group. Ours is affiliated with Center for Inquiry - Skeptics. You might do a search for something similar through Meet Up and learn if there is a group near you. I know the biggest thing the formerly-religious folks who belong to my group miss is a sense of community that a church provides. The difference is, the Skeptic group comes with no strings attached. As you pointed out, they like you just because you're you. They may also be able to help you network for a new job and/or housing.

I'm sorry your dad is not going to be there for you at a time of your great need, but he obviously can't. His help comes with some pretty big strings attached. I don't think you can go back.

Best to you, and please keep us posted going forward.

You see, this is the kind of bullsh1t advice I'd been talking about.

You've taken one heated email conversation between father and son and then taken it upon yourself to advise he cuts of all ties with his father, because his father doesn't share the same beliefs as you?

Utterly incredible........if this advice was taken the world over, there would be literally millions of us with no family.

When I say you have no fucking clue what you're talking about, I mean it. You seriously have no fucking CLUE, what it is, you are talking about. You're on the inside yelling at us from the inside, that we can't see what's goin on outside while we're outside. It's actually kinda sad.

I suggest you do some studies on cults. If you look up the WEBSTER definition, you're in one.

It's you whose in denial, friends. The fact that you stood up for the abuser of the situation, says everything as to your abnormal mindset.

[GrandizerII]

You see, this is the kind of bullsh1t advice I'd been talking about.

You've taken one heated email conversation between father and son and then taken it upon yourself to advise he cuts of all ties with his father, because his father doesn't share the same beliefs as you?

Utterly incredible........if this advice was taken the world over, there would be literally millions of us with no family.

Listen, we're past that now. Let it go.

Instead of assuming that this was our only conversation over the past six months and that I haven't posted anything else on here regarding family issues lately...I suggest you inquire. I'd be more than happy to fill you in. Just go read up on the ex-mormon forums and you can get a good idea of the ridiculous stuff ex-mormons will have to go through. No reason to read my posts exactly, they're all pretty much the same when it comes to family. haha.

Well, I have a question for you. My apologies if you've already addressed this. Why do you still want to have a relationship with your father if he is such a negative person?

[Tiberius]

Just my two cents, but it doesn't look like your dad disowned you because you were an atheist, but rather because you responded to him with mocking words and tried to keep arguing when he clearly didn't want to. He seemed more concerned about your lack of a job than your disbelief to be quite honest, and after your wall of text response, seemed to want to get the conversation back to that particular topic, which you wouldn't do.

Did he overreact by disowning you? Of course. Did you overreact to his initial conversation starter? Absolutely. You are both at fault here.

Atheists in similar situations to yours have to understand the theistic mindset here. These people are your parents; they love you deeply, and they do not want to see you hurt. Their belief system tells them that without a doubt you are going to hell, a place where you are tortured for eternity. If you believed that so sincerely, wouldn't you try desperately to prevent your child from going there?

The correct way to respond to his words would be to explain that you didn't intend to shame your family, that he has his beliefs and you have yours, and that if he truly loved you as he claimed, he would accept that people with different beliefs exist and can remain close. That you appreciate and understand his concern, but his religion isn't something you can believe in at the moment, and you would appreciate him giving you the space to develop your beliefs as you continue to grow. You could then tell him how your job searching was going...

[LivingNumbers6.626]

Listen, we're past that now. Let it go.

Instead of assuming that this was our only conversation over the past six months and that I haven't posted anything else on here regarding family issues lately...I suggest you inquire. I'd be more than happy to fill you in. Just go read up on the ex-mormon forums and you can get a good idea of the ridiculous stuff ex-mormons will have to go through. No reason to read my posts exactly, they're all pretty much the same when it comes to family. haha.

Well, I have a question for you. My apologies if you've already addressed this. Why do you still want to have a relationship with your father if he is such a negative person?

Right now I don't anymore. My family got together this weekend and this is the second time that he has completely avoided acknowledging my existence anymore.

I love my dad. Regardless of all the cruddy stuff, he taught me a lot of cool stuff too.

It's just so incredibly messy right now that I don't think I'll pursue a relationship with my father until I've found my career route, started my schooling back up, started my business, found my volunteering route, and have my own place again. At that time my father will no longer have anything negative to say about my life and if he does...well I'll be confident to know he's wrong instead of allowing his pessimist sentiments to run my life like the past 21 years.

[naimless]

trolololol

[Bad Writer]

trolololol

Interesting. Care to share why?

[naimless]

trolololol

Interesting. Care to share why?

His father stopped associating with him because he was a cunt, not because he was an atheist.

I don't boast publicly about my beliefs or lack of them on Facebook as I would not like to read someone else doing the same about theirs.

I have respectfully declined to attend the churches of my parents on many occasions. Occasionally they will still try and convince me to go, like on Christmas.

Sometimes I will go because it is easier than spending the day having an argument, I am capable of respectfully observing another history/culture objectively, and I like presents and Christmas dinner.

Now, regarding the job situation, a lot of youths are struggling currently and it is probably best to keep as many friends as possible, even if you do not agree with their religion.

For the most part I have found Christians to be quite charitable people. I have also found that friends come and go more-so than family.

In short, OP wants to disown his father because his father is not an atheist.