The 10 Most Ridiculous Beliefs in the Christian Delusion

[Mudhammam]

10. If you are gullible enough to believe in Christianity, you won't have to spend your afterlife in the torments of hell.
9. Hell.
8. There is a real evil spirit named Satan or Lucifer and he wants your soul!
7. Prophets foretold the coming of the Messiah and King Jesus!
6. God impregnated a young virgin. And that was after his "angel" Gabriel told her in a vision.
5. God is one Being but three Persons. It's just too "mysterious" for stupid people to understand... like us Christians.
4. God rose himself from the dead...and then floated into the sky 40 days later, before anyone outside of his devoted inner circle had a chance to see him.
3. God is the world's most successful author; he wrote a total of sixty-six books and his career lasted approximately 1,400 B.C.-100 A.D. (according to Christians)! Incredible longevity!
2. God created a Universe, the observable portion being at least 539,400,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles across, 13.8 billion years ago, so that through your 9-10 decades on Earth (if you're very lucky), you could be born into sin but acquire the free gift of salvation, per his mercy, and be granted an eternity of life side by side with him in heaven---by believing in a story he wrote down by manipulating the hands of Greek-speaking Jews 2,000 years ago.

And the winner is....

1. God requires human sacrifice to repay evil and Jesus' virgin blood was just the ingredient that holy justice demanded.

[robvalue]

Nice work!

It must have been damn hard narrowing it down to 10.

[Jackalope]

I'm surprised the one about the dirt man and the rib woman being tricked by a talking snake into eating magic fruit didn't make the list.

Then again, that one is only believed by people stupid enough to be literalists.

[robvalue]

How can you be a literalist anyway? They believe even forgeries are the word of God?

I guess they argue that God put in the forgeries, or something. Or there are no forgeries.

Actually, they probably believe they are holding the original, which was written in English by white jesus.

[strawdawg]

If you're not a believer everything is going to sound rather silly.

[Exian]

It sounds rather silly and therefore I'm not a believer.

[robvalue]

It sounds like incoherent blather, written for children, by psychotic children.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Here's my list:

10) God cares if you jack off.

9) The trinity bullshit.

8) A wooden ship 500 feet long didn't break up after forty days in a stormy sea.

7) Apples bequeath morality.

6) God bakes his misbehaving children at 425°F for all eternity because he loves them. They're clearly overdone by that time.

5) God can make an entire Universe, but he needs salesmen to make his money for Him.

4) Jesus knew what it meant to be human without ever once having had a great piece of ass. I'm definitely calling bullshit on this.

3) "The meek shall inherit the Earth." Wrong. The meek shall inherit a good screwing.

2) Mary was a virgin. I'm sure she said she was -- remember, she would have been stoned to death admitting adultery or fornication -- but apples don't fall far from apple trees, and little Jesus was a human, according to Lek, Drich, and the other knucklefuckers here.

... and number one on tonight's Top Ten list --

1) Morality is objective so long as their book written by humans says it is.

[robvalue]

We have another winner!

[watchamadoodle]

You forgot to mention stuff from Revelation.