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101 uses for Bible
#31
RE: 101 uses for Bible
You know, I've always thought of doing this one prank, but it seems very difficult to pull off.
The idea is that I line the bible with certain chemicals. I would make sure the bible is in a place where a lot of people would be watching me and when I'm finally told to get the bible, they see me reach for it and when my hands come into contact with the book, it lights on fire.

I have no idea how to accomplish this, but it's so epic that if I had a chance to accomplish this I couldn't pass it up. I'm also certain that some method using a book box or other hidden devices would work just as well.

So...

26. Making churches think I'm the devil by having the bible light on fire when I touch it.

... perhaps if I doused the book in something flammable and I wore gloves that sparked like a lighter when I touch the book? hmm...

Also...

27. An alternative fuel for coal.
If today you can take a thing like evolution and make it a crime to teach in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the private schools and next year you can make it a crime to teach it to the hustings or in the church. At the next session you may ban books and the newspapers...
Ignorance and fanaticism are ever busy and need feeding. Always feeding and gloating for more. Today it is the public school teachers; tomorrow the private. The next day the preachers and the lecturers, the magazines, the books, the newspapers. After a while, Your Honor, it is the setting of man against man and creed against creed until with flying banners and beating drums we are marching backward to the glorious ages of the sixteenth centry when bigots lighted fagots to burn the men who dared to bring any intelligence and enlightenment and culture to the human mind. ~Clarence Darrow, at the Scopes Monkey Trial, 1925

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan
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#32
RE: 101 uses for Bible
(August 22, 2010 at 6:29 pm)DiRNiS Wrote: 22. To make stupid people say the truth and nothing but the truth in court.


And then lie anyway.

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#33
RE: 101 uses for Bible
(August 22, 2010 at 10:01 pm)Minimalist Wrote:
(August 22, 2010 at 6:29 pm)DiRNiS Wrote: 22. To make stupid people say the truth and nothing but the truth in court.


And then lie anyway.

Perhaps not if they are fundies. They might then take touching their holy book a little more seriously.

Sorry to go a bit off-topic, but do judges still make people swear on the bible before testifying? Do they just assume everyone who testifies is a believer? I've never had to testify in court before so I'm not sure about this?
Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

Atheist I Evolved!
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#34
RE: 101 uses for Bible
(August 22, 2010 at 10:11 pm)DiRNiS Wrote:
(August 22, 2010 at 10:01 pm)Minimalist Wrote:
(August 22, 2010 at 6:29 pm)DiRNiS Wrote: 22. To make stupid people say the truth and nothing but the truth in court.


And then lie anyway.

Perhaps not if they are fundies. They might then take touching their holy book a little more seriously.

Sorry to go a bit off-topic, but do judges still make people swear on the bible before testifying? Do they just assume everyone who testifies is a believer? I've never had to testify in court before so I'm not sure about this?

I haven't had to testify, but the best I can guess from what I've read on the subject you have to request to affirm to tell the truth rather than swear the tell the truth.
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#35
RE: 101 uses for Bible
In NY you are given a choice to "swear" or "affirm." I imagine in Texas you are given a choice to "swear" or die.
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#36
RE: 101 uses for Bible
23. Plugging up oil spills
24. Improvised Underwear
25. Hats in a Peter Pan production
.
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#37
RE: 101 uses for Bible
(August 22, 2010 at 11:43 pm)theVOID Wrote: 23. Plugging up oil spills
24. Improvised Underwear
25. Hats in a Peter Pan production

Void, we already had 23, 24 and 25 so:

23 = 28
24 = 29
25 = 30

So the next one:

31: To convert Christians to Atheism.
Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

Atheist I Evolved!
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#38
RE: 101 uses for Bible
32 - To sit down on something (4 or 5 bibles stacked make a good emergency bench)
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#39
RE: 101 uses for Bible
33 - To demonstrate the stupid shit that primitive people came up with.
34 - To demonstrate the stupid shit that people still believe.
.
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#40
RE: 101 uses for Bible
35. To walk around with quoting from so much you annoy the fuck out of all but the most diehard fundie.
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