Atheist Bible Study 1: Genesis

[Minimalist]

b. Egypt controlled the entire Near East. It makes no sense to go from one place Egypt controlled to another place they controlled.

By the time some shitwit wrote the stories down the period of Egyptian hegemony over Canaan had long been forgotten.  There were far more recent conquerors they could have worried about.

[GrandizerII]

Abram vs. Lot
Genesis 13

Back in Canaan, a now very wealthy Abram goes up to the Negev, then back to Bethel, with Lot accompanying him. Now Lot was also a wealthy man, with a great number of possessions and an abundance of livestock. This meant that there were bound to be arguments between Abram's men and Lot's men over land and livestock and such. Wanting to diffuse the quarreling, Abram made an agreement with Lot that they separate, with Lot going one way and picking a region of land to his liking, while Abram went a different way. And that is what they did. Lot chose the whole plain of the Jordan to the east, where he pitched near Sodom. Abram, on the other hand, stayed in the land of Canaan, pitching near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron (and building yet another altar to the LORD). And thus, problem solved.

Note: Lot is meant to be an integral character in the later story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Hence, the separation of Lot from Abram, and his settling near Sodom.

Also, after Abram and Lot part ways, God had this to say to Abram:

"Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you."

Thus, God's stamp of approval to Canaan belonging to Abram and his descendants (the Israelites). And bloody wars continue to be fought because of that. Thanks, God.

[Bahana]

36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab. He is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son and called his name Ben-ammi. He is the father of the Ammonites to this day.

What a knee-slapper this is. The enemies of Israel are the product of incest! I've actually had Christians take this seriously and tell me with a straight face, "Well, maybe that's why they were bad people."

[GrandizerII]

36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab. He is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son and called his name Ben-ammi. He is the father of the Ammonites to this day.

What a knee-slapper this is. The enemies of Israel are the product of incest! I've actually had Christians take this seriously and tell me with a straight face, "Well, maybe that's why they were bad people."

Yeah, that'll be a fun one once I get to that chapter, lol.

[The Valkyrie]

Biblical Genesis would have been more interesting (or realistic) if they had Klingons.

[Minimalist]

36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab. He is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son and called his name Ben-ammi. He is the father of the Ammonites to this day.

What a knee-slapper this is. The enemies of Israel are the product of incest! I've actually had Christians take this seriously and tell me with a straight face, "Well, maybe that's why they were bad people."

Prof. Israel Finkelstein made that same observation in "The Bible Unearthed" a long time ago.  Iron Age judahite propaganda and nothing more.

What's amusing is that we have assholes today who still fall for it!

[Bucky Ball]

What's even more "amusing" is the way the new owners wrote their own real estate contract. 
"Oh, it's ours, cuz the gods gave it to us". 

LOL

[GrandizerII]

Abram in Action
Genesis 14

A battle is about to occur in the Valley of Siddim (i.e., the Dead Sea Valley). After 12 years of oppression by Kedorlaomer (the king of Elam), and some initial rebellion during the 13th year, Sodom and its allies have had enough and have readied their armies for war. It is now the 14th year.

Earlier that year, we see that King Kedorlaomer and his allies had gone to war against the Rephaites, Zuzites, Emites, Horites, Amalekites, and Amorites, successfully defeating them all and taking over their territories. Now they are about to face Team Sodom.

On one side, we have Amraphel (king of Shinar), Arioch (king of Ellasar), Kedorlaomer (king of Elam), and Tidal (king of Goyim). On the other side, we have Bera (king of Sodom), Birsha (king of Gomorrah), Shinab (king of Admah), Shemeber (king of Zeboyim), and an unnamed king (king of Bela/Zoar). Four against five. Team Kedorlaomer vs. Team Sodom.

The battle occurs ... and Team Kedorlaomer wins. Unfortunately for Team Sodom, many of its men fell into tar pits as they were fleeing, and all the goods they had were seized by the victors. In addition, Lot (who was living in Sodom) was taken hostage.

When Abram found out about what happened (thanks to the report of a man who had successfully escaped), he gathered his army of 318 trained men and, accompanied by Mamre and his two brothers, went for the rescue. Using the clever tactic of "divide and conquer" during the night, Abram pursued Team Kedorlaomer over long distances and was finally able to defeat them, recovering the goods and rescuing Lot and the other hostages.

Pleased with the outcome, the king of Sodom arranged to have a meeting with Abram in the Valley of Shaveh (i.e., the King's Valley) upon Abram's triumphant return.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the mysterious Melchizedek (king of Salem and priest of God) offers Abram bread and wine with a blessing from God. Abram, in return, gives him a tenth of everything he had. This Melchizedek would later be believed to have been Jesus Christ by the Christians.

Next, the king of Sodom requests Abram give him back his (the king's) people but keep the goods for himself. However, Abram would not have any of this. He firmly tells the king that he will not accept any of his goods, lest the king boasts that he made Abram rich. But Abram did request that Mamre and his brothers retain their share of the goods.

Here are his exact words:

"With raised hand I have sworn an oath to the Lord, God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth, that I will accept nothing belonging to you, not even a thread or the strap of a sandal, so that you will never be able to say, 'I made Abram rich.' I will accept nothing but what my men have eaten and the share that belongs to the men who went with me—to Aner, Eshkol and Mamre. Let them have their share."

And that is the end of this particular story.

The first action scene in the Bible. Abram shows us some might and a bit of wisdom. Nothing as epic as in Homer's Iliad, but would still potentially make for a good movie.

[Bucky Ball]

36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab. He is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son and called his name Ben-ammi. He is the father of the Ammonites to this day.

What a knee-slapper this is. The enemies of Israel are the product of incest! I've actually had Christians take this seriously and tell me with a straight face, "Well, maybe that's why they were bad people."

This sort of intentional "political insult" is really common in the "Torah of Moses", and becomes more common after the Kingdom breaks apart and rival factions of priests (from the Northern Kingdom and Southern Kingdom) start intentionally attempting to slam and insult the other faction (in the texts) .... as we shall see.  

[Minimalist]

Nothing as epic as in Homer's Iliad, but would still potentially make for a good movie.

Fiction makes good movies.  Maybe they could get Gilbert Gottfried to play "Abraham?"