Low self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of purpose

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

@ Catholic Lady

I can certainly understand feelings of worthlessness or disappointment in oneself.  Now, this may sound silly, but when I decided to get serious about pursuing a
management position in the company that I work in, a strong motivator for this decision was my education in peacemaking/bridge-building.  In particular, I remember reading about organizational development and conflict management/effective mediation in the workplace along with leaders who are inspirational.  In essence, I was very interested in becoming that leader/mediator who actually cares about the organization and his teammates and who can promote peace in unique ways.  Hence, this vision is a huge part of what drives me when I go to work; however, I’ve kept this vision of mine to myself, as I realize that if I were to say these things to others, then they probably would assume that I’m some young, arrogant guy, and they wouldn’t take me seriously.  Thus, to balance this out, I try to treat everyone as decently as I can and let them judge for themselves as to the quality of my character.

Currently, I’ve not made much progress in becoming much of a leader/peacemaker in the workplace.  At best, I’m ordinary.  Now, this is disappointing, because I had thought that leadership/peacemaking was something that I was good at, but I’m becoming more open to the notion that I was mistaken due to arrogance/over-confidence on my part.  Hence, I’m open to the conclusion that peacemaking and leadership are talents that I do not possess; but they are talents that I do appreciate, and I admire those individuals who are gifted enough to have them.

With that said, I’ve appreciated your emphasis on kindness in these forums, as it is an attribute that I have come to appreciate and admire.  IMO, that says a lot about who you are, and as a result, the community is lucky to have you here.  Well, take care and I hope you find a path that brings you happiness and fulfillment. Live long and prosper.







 .

[pocaracas]

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[RedgraveStorm]

I've dealt with depression, low-self esteem, and anxiety pretty much my entire life. A few years ago I started going to a therapist and was officially diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety, and while I've made great strides in learning how to live with these, medicine helped too, I still struggle. Everyday I deal with being very self-critical, sometimes to the point of not being able to get anything done during the day. I've turned to writing as a means to express myself as well as to achieve a life-long dream that my anxiety prevented me from doing, and it has helped a great deal. Just having something to do in the day, I'm unemployed, gives me a great feeling of satisfaction and purpose.
Recently I came to the realization that I will probably always deal with depression, as even on my best days I still feel it lurking behind me, like a ghost in the mirror; but that realization actually gave me a sense of peace. If this is going to be my lifelong struggle, then I have proven I can fight it, and I shall continue to do so.

[RoadRunner79]

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I think that's something that a lot of people can relate to at some point in their lives, though I feel like few will talk about it. And of course, everyone experiences those things in different forms or for different reasons. I am fortunate enough to not have a mental illness or neurological disorder of any kind. I've never had clinical depression, don't suffer from anxiety, no ADD, etc etc. To me, feeling down on myself comes strictly from the way life itself has gone, my failures, my lack of abilities, and so forth. It does not come from mental health issues. 

I figured out sometime during college that I wasn't meant to be a career woman. I just didn't have the natural skills or the drive or interest for any particular field of work or study. It was a hard realization to come to at the time, because it's important to me that I do well in life and contribute to society. The only jobs I've had were pretty meaningless, and for the sole purpose of making money... like working at restaurants, stores, house keeping, etc. Nothing real. And I'm ashamed of that. It's embarrassing to me. 

I figured at that time that my calling then, since I wasn't meant to be a career woman, was to be a mother some day. And I would dedicate my life to my family, and I would be the best wife and the best mom in the world... to make up for my complete failure and inabilities in the career department. I never imagined that I would have infertility issues, because being a mom was what I was supposed to do. It was my way of contributing to society and giving my life purpose. But here I am, married for 7 years, 31 years old, and still childless because my body doesn't seem to be able to do it, or at least, to do it right...

I did get pregnant once so far, but the one baby I did make had genetic abnormalities that were incompatible with life, and so he died when I was 5 months pregnant with him. It hurts that this is something else that I can't do. Currently I have no job. I try to fill my days up with random things so that I don't feel so worthless. It hurts not feeling like I'm good enough for anything... even for making babies. It hurts knowing that my husband deserves to be a father but that he married a complete dud... someone who doesn't work, doesn't have any special skills, and can't even give him children. (and yes, the infertility issues are on my end not his - we checked) 

I think of the good things I have, and they are many - an amazing husband, a solid family, structured upbringing, incredible faith, financial security, physical/mental health. Thinking of these things initially makes me feel like I have a lot to be happy about in life. But it backfires on me when I remember that those things were all given to me. I just happened to luck out. None of those things were earned, none of them are inherent to me. They are outside things. The struggle is with myself, and those things only serve to remind me that I don't deserve any of it. Because I haven't been able to reap good out of any of them. I'm still worthless and I still failed despite all those things I had going for me. The people in my life that I love and that love me have nothing to feel proud of me for, and nothing to gain from me. I can't give my husband a child, I can't give my parents grandchildren, I can't be someone that these people feel proud of, or can brag to their friends about... for any reason. And that is the part that hurts most because I want the best for all of them. And I can't do it.

TLDR: If you struggle or have struggled with feelings of worthlessness, self esteem, lack of purpose in life, etc... feel free to share your story below so that we all know we are not alone. And if you were able to overcome it, advice would be greatly appreciated. 

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I agree, that many of us, have felt that way at times. And there are times, where it can become a problem (either by fostering the wrong things, or of something completely out of our control). Here's my 2 cents (to be taken with the grain of salt as I may not be the best person for council).

A job doesn't make the person, character and who we are does. What we do for others, and how we treat them.
I don't know your circumstances, so this is nothing about you personally, but take an honest look at what you do for others. This includes husband and family, church and any others. Keep in mind, that we don't need to be busy 100% of the time and setting our sights too high can be as bad as too low. It doesn't have to be some grand thing. These may get a lot of attention, but often it is little things that are more important. If you feel that you want to do more, make out a plan, and start working towards it (start small and modify from there). I'm a little older than you, have no children, and I'm not married. I do have a good job where I contribute to others. And I would give that up for what you have. And if you end up with children (through whatever means) don't define yourself by them either. Be the best, that you can be. There will be times that will be tough and emotionally draining then too. And if not thank God for what you have and show his glory through yourself.