Low self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of purpose

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

@ Catholic Lady

I can certainly understand feelings of worthlessness or disappointment in oneself.  Now, this may sound silly, but when I decided to get serious about pursuing a
management position in the company that I work in, a strong motivator for this decision was my education in peacemaking/bridge-building.  In particular, I remember reading about organizational development and conflict management/effective mediation in the workplace along with leaders who are inspirational.  In essence, I was very interested in becoming that leader/mediator who actually cares about the organization and his teammates and who can promote peace in unique ways.  Hence, this vision is a huge part of what drives me when I go to work; however, I’ve kept this vision of mine to myself, as I realize that if I were to say these things to others, then they probably would assume that I’m some young, arrogant guy, and they wouldn’t take me seriously.  Thus, to balance this out, I try to treat everyone as decently as I can and let them judge for themselves as to the quality of my character.

Currently, I’ve not made much progress in becoming much of a leader/peacemaker in the workplace.  At best, I’m ordinary.  Now, this is disappointing, because I had thought that leadership/peacemaking was something that I was good at, but I’m becoming more open to the notion that I was mistaken due to arrogance/over-confidence on my part.  Hence, I’m open to the conclusion that peacemaking and leadership are talents that I do not possess; but they are talents that I do appreciate, and I admire those individuals who are gifted enough to have them.

With that said, I’ve appreciated your emphasis on kindness in these forums, as it is an attribute that I have come to appreciate and admire.  IMO, that says a lot about who you are, and as a result, the community is lucky to have you here.  Well, take care and I hope you find a path that brings you happiness and fulfillment. Live long and prosper.







 .

[pocaracas]

[RedgraveStorm]

I've dealt with depression, low-self esteem, and anxiety pretty much my entire life. A few years ago I started going to a therapist and was officially diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety, and while I've made great strides in learning how to live with these, medicine helped too, I still struggle. Everyday I deal with being very self-critical, sometimes to the point of not being able to get anything done during the day. I've turned to writing as a means to express myself as well as to achieve a life-long dream that my anxiety prevented me from doing, and it has helped a great deal. Just having something to do in the day, I'm unemployed, gives me a great feeling of satisfaction and purpose.
Recently I came to the realization that I will probably always deal with depression, as even on my best days I still feel it lurking behind me, like a ghost in the mirror; but that realization actually gave me a sense of peace. If this is going to be my lifelong struggle, then I have proven I can fight it, and I shall continue to do so.

[RoadRunner79]